Is Your Child Behaving Badly or Simply Exploring a Schema?

As a parent, it can be challenging to navigate those moments when your child seems to be testing every limit and pushing every boundary. Maybe they’re throwing food off their highchair, tearing paper into tiny bits, or lining up toys in an endless row. It’s easy to think, “Why is my child behaving so badly?” But what if, instead of misbehaving, your child is actually exploring the world around them in a very natural, developmental way?

Understanding Your Child’s Actions: Schemas in Play

Children aren’t born knowing how the world works; they learn by doing, experimenting, and exploring. Many of the behaviours we might see as "naughty" or "disruptive" are actually signs that your child is engaging in schemas—repeated patterns of behaviour that help them understand how things work. These schemas are a crucial part of their early development, enabling them to grasp fundamental concepts about movement, space, order, and relationships.

For instance, when your child throws a toy over and over again, they are not just trying to make a mess; they are exploring the trajectory schema. They are figuring out how objects move through space, the effects of gravity, and the relationship between cause and effect. When they insist on pouring water from one cup to another repeatedly, they are deeply engaged in the transporting schema—learning about volume, weight, and how materials behave.

A First Principles Mindset in Action

As adults, we often admire those with a “first principles” mindset—the ability to break down a problem to its core elements and build understanding from the ground up. Innovators, scientists, and leaders are celebrated for this skill. Yet, we may not realize that children come into the world with this very mindset. Every action, every experiment, every seemingly odd or frustrating behaviour is your child trying to figure out, “How does this work?”

When your child turns the same toy over and over in their hands, spins in circles, or sorts objects into meticulous piles, they are exploring the basic principles that make the world function. They are learning physics, math, biology, and more—all through the innocent and instinctive act of play. And this is what is going to help develop 21^st century skills in them.

Shifting Our Perspective: From Frustration to Understanding

As parents, it’s easy to get caught up in the day-to-day challenges and frustrations. We often find ourselves saying “no,” “don’t do that,” or “stop!” when our children are engaged in behaviours that disrupt our routine or make a mess. But what if we took a step back and recognized these behaviours for what they truly are—signs of curiosity, exploration, and growth?

When we shift our perspective, we begin to see our child’s actions not as “bad behaviour” but as a powerful drive to understand the world and their place in it. This perspective helps us respond with empathy, patience, and encouragement rather than frustration or punishment.

Nurturing the Explorer Within Your Child

Here are a few ways to nurture your child’s natural curiosity and exploration through schemas:

1. Provide Safe Spaces for Exploration: Create environments where your child can safely explore their schemas. If they love throwing, give them soft balls to toss. If they are fascinated by water, set up a water play station with different containers.
2. Observe and Reflect: Take a moment to observe your child’s behaviour without judgment. Ask yourself, “What is my child trying to figure out right now?” This helps you see the learning process behind their actions.
3. Encourage Curiosity: Instead of saying “no,” try to redirect their behaviour. For example, if they are throwing toys, you might say, “I see you love throwing! Let’s throw this ball outside.”
4. Join in Their Play: Engage with them in their exploration. Ask open-ended questions like, “What do you think will happen if…?” or “How does that feel?” to support their learning.
5. Celebrate Their Discoveries: Recognize that your child is learning critical skills. Celebrate their moments of discovery, even when they come with a mess or some noise.

A Parent’s Role: Guiding the Little Scientist

Your child isn’t trying to make your life harder—they are trying to understand the world around them. By approaching their behaviours with warmth, understanding, and a willingness to see things from their perspective, you become a guide and ally in their journey of discovery.

Remember, the very actions that may seem frustrating today are the building blocks of creativity, problem-solving, and resilience – coveted skills in adults! So the next time your child throws, spins, stacks, or sorts, take a deep breath and smile—they are not misbehaving; they are learning, exploring, and growing.

Embrace their curiosity, and you’ll be amazed at the wonder they bring to your world.

For more ideas on how to support your child’s natural development through play, check out our Play Schema Cards!